There is something so innately magical about being a child. It’s hard to remember when you’re older all of the lush, dewy, magical and mystical feelings you got just exploring your backyard, but there are moments when your mind will light up at the recognition of a familiar element and suddenly the world comes alive again. To be a child is to constantly be preoccupied with what could be (real or imaginary) and living without fear of being oneself. Children are themselves no matter how many costumes and personalities they try on, and at the end of the day, they dream the deep sleep of a day well-lived. Childhood seems to rush by like a speeding train, and maybe that’s because as children, we’re our own conductors, setting the speed and building the track to give ourselves an entertaining view along the way. And the destination – oh! It’s a magical place, of course.
When we really reflect on the beautiful imaginations we had as children, it is natural to ponder when it was that we lost the spark. Was it when we found out that Santa Claus wasn’t really a fat old jolly man, but just your poor old dad grumbling about wrapping presents at midnight? Was it when you had your first day of middle school and you got picked on for wearing clothes that you never before noticed weren’t “current” or “cool”? Or was it even later on, when you realized that the opposite sex was no longer your playmate, but someone with whom you felt incredibly awkward being around?
No matter when your turning point was, dear reader, you can probably identify that loss in yourself and realize that you miss the brightness of those days: the hope that you felt for the future and the abandon with which you lived your life. You were a knight in shining armor ready to battle that horrid dragon and save the village, or you were a maiden, fair and true and even if nobody realized the princess you were, you knew with bold confidence that you were somebody wonderful. And the truth is: you ARE somebody amazing and wonderful. You’ve just forgotten how to recall that. If you’re like me, you have forgotten how to pursue that kingdom of vast and beautiful treasure that is rightfully yours!
Generally as we age, life teaches us to be “real” and grownup instead of childish and naive. That’s not a bad thing, as we obviously will grow up to care for friends and families of our own and we need to know how to handle the “hard stuff”. We learn responsibility and we slip silently into roles that have developed in society over time. But the predicament with the years that we develop into adults is that instead of being encouraged to dream wild dreams and pursue them with passion, our experiences and many of our mentors point us in the direction of the safe and the accepted. This all said, I readily admit that there are boundaries in society for a reason. The wisdom of our elders can prove invaluable as far as it pertains to interacting with others peacefully and cultivating a moral life. If you’re a person of faith, there is much to learn in that realm that guides and develops your conscience. And all of these things are good and valuable. But there’s a fine line between living a life of respect for yourself and others and living a life that’s centered around what others think of you. In other words, the life of healthy boundaries that encourages growth versus the boundaries that lock down your soul. Does that make sense?
Here’s an example. As a young girl, I always imagined that I was a princess hidden away in a small village where someday my prince would come and rescue me and carry me off to dress me up in gowns of great beauty and dance me around the floor until the end of time. (Whew!) A simple wish, really… but profoundly reflective of my feminine soul. In my mind I was worthy of that sort of attention and I dreamed of the day that I would grow up and realize it to be true. As I got older and entered into my awkward teen years I slipped into an introverted state and preferred to stay home and read about great adventures rather than act them out. I had started sketching the feminine gowns I longed for in my spare time but clothed myself in nondescript outfits so that I wouldn’t stand out at school too much. I didn’t want to court possibly negative attention. Occasionally, as I got older, I would in contrast boldly wear outfits that exuded more confidence than I actually felt, and while I was thrilled with the positive reactions to my presumed creativity, I still shrunk with the image that I knew to be my true self: an impostor. Somewhere towards the end of junior high school I realized that I wasn’t as beautiful as I thought myself to be, that my peers weren’t as interested in my longings for life – that some of them seemed odd or “too much” to be realistic. I decided to fit into the mold that was expected and just dream smaller dreams so that I could make friends and not be on the fringe.
It was a period that I didn’t leave much until college. At that point, most of you know that life is just so shaken up and all the notions you had of yourself get challenged by your peers. For me, this pushed me to start to dream for myself again and I decided after my freshman year that I wanted to study in Europe. It’s always been a magical place to me and I claimed it for myself. I adventured and dreamed and grew. It was a productive time in that it taught me an independence I needed and gave me confidence in myself that I hadn’t experienced for quite a while. When I returned home, however, it was my reignited (and in some ways, new) faith that reminded me that there was more to life than just what met the eye. There was more to this adventure…
It was a beautiful book called “Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul” by John and Stasi Eldridge that helped me to reclaim my identity as a “princess”. As God’s chosen children, the book reminded me, we are a people made for greatness to walk a path uniquely ours. As a woman, a daughter of a king, my identity has to be rooted in in something greater than myself so that I could realize the potential for the life ahead of me. Only a God bigger than me could call me to reach for heights that made my palms sweat!
Another book that was profound for me was “Hinds’ Feet in High Places” by Hannah Hurnard. This is an amazing allegory for the person who has lost sight of their identity. As is often true, when we lose sight of ourselves (our goals and dreams and the fire in our soul) and the light that guides us, we instead affix our eyes on the plunging depths above and below us and we freeze. We cling to the side of the proverbial mountain and we make no progress in this life.
If I’ve rambled too much, let me bring it back around. Can you see how this relates to the lost essence of childhood? We were all born with a built-in detector for hope and an amazing sense of creativity. We had this confidence in ourselves that was so out of this world big and over the course of our lives it’s been progressively tucked away and told to “tone it down”. As with this desire of mine to be a princess, it wasn’t until much later, after college, that I started to reclaim those desires of mine to shine and be clothed with gorgeous garments.
The one beautiful thing about growing older is allowing your dreams to mature like fine wine. The gorgeous garments I want now look more like a simple, elegant life of rich love. I want to clothe myself with the fabric of beautiful friendships and the bold colors of experiences. If you will allow yourself to ponder what it was that made your childhood shine with radiance, you can still apply those ideas to yourself today. And in fact, if you TRULY understand what the motivating forces were for you as a child, you can most likely live those out to their fullness now. They will look more mature – you’re an adult now, after all – but they don’t have to lose their radiance or grand vision. In fact, the world needs more people with hope and vision. It needs us, children of God, to embrace our callings and to SHINE.
“Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world…”
(Philippians 2:14-15)
